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Fictal Times

The Thief Steals Another Nose: What Does This Mean For Crypto Currency?

By Violaceous Thursday

This Friday at 11pm, the Thief committed another theft in front of the Teacup Plaza, stealing yet another nose from an anonymous victim.
The Thief has been terrorizing all fictals by stealing people's noses, which is an essential key to protecting crypto currency, as most apps used to mine require a nose print to identify you. All victims of The Thief are now noseless, which means that they cannot participate in crypto currency.
Because of this, crypto currency may potentially be seeing a downfall, as the major mining apps require that you have a nose, and the remaining apps suck ass.
We have interviewed passerbys who were around when the latest steal happened in the plaza, and they had this to say:

Interview 1

Interviewer: Dearie, it is my understanding that you are the owner of the Teacup Plaza. What do you have to say about the recent thiefing?

dearie: its horrible that a steal happened right in my plaza. i apologize to the victim and i will be setting up measures to ensure that the bodyguards can protect the attendies, and that we can soon catch this horrible criminal. again, i apologize for letting such a horrendus thing happen.

Interviewer: Is there anything you have to say about the potential downfall of crypto currency?

dearie: (ㆆ_ㆆ) excuse me?

Interviewer: Do you know what crypto currency is?

dearie: (ㆆ_ㆆ)

Interviewer: ...

Interview 2

Interviewer: Gordon, you are one of the current moderators of Fictal:LiveWorld, correct?

GORDON: CORRECT.

Interviewer: How do you feel about the thieving of an innocent's nose at this plaza?

GORDON: THE ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR OF THE THIEF IS UNACCEPTABLE. AND AS HER ACTIONS ARE REPEATED DESPITE ME DIRECTING THE WARNINGS TO HER, I WILL SMITE HER WITH THE MOST AGONIZING RAYS OF LIGHT AS SOON AS WE DISCOVER HER CURRENT LOCATION. WORRY NOT CITIZENS, WE WILL RETURN ALL STOLEN NOSES AS THIS IS A POINT OF DISTRESS FOR YOU ALL.

Interviewer: Are you worried that... the light smite might be a bit excessive? The Thief only stole noses.

GORDON: FOR WEEKS, I HAVE BEEN RECIEVING MESSAGES FROM PEOPLE DISTRESSED ABOUT THEIR MISSING NOSES. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN PUBLICLY PANICKING ABOUT THEIR NOSES. PUBLIC UNREST IS RAMPANT AMONG ALL. EVEN WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE, THE THIEF STILL CONTINUES HER ANTI-SOCIAL ACTIONS. SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS DOING IS WRONG, THAT THIS IS CAUSING UNNESSASARIY PANIC AMONG CITIZENS, YET SHE STILL CONTINUES WITH THIS. I WILL ENSURE THAT THE THIEF SUFFERS ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE PUT THE INNOCENT THROUGH.

Interviewer: But doesn't the light smite completely anhillate the target?

GORDON: THAT IS THE FUNCTION, YES.

Interviewer: Okay...

Interview 3

Interviewer: What do you have to say about the recent thiefing taking place at the plaza?

elvis penis: sorry wait what theifing

Interviewer: Weren't you there to see someone's nose get stolen?

elvis penis: we dont have noses what are you talking about

Interviewer: ... What?

elvis penis: :/

Interviewer: ... oh my god. We don't even have noses...

Interviewer: ... what the fuck

elvis penis: can i go now

elvis penis: i wanna go on the teacup ride

elvis penis: ya wanna come with?

Interviewer: ...

Interviewer: ... Yeah. Sure.

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